This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
