listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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