Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
