please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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