I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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