I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
