My room smells like vodka and shame
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
