I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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