found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
