is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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