Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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