i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
