Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I have demons in me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What happened to fro yo and sex?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
