this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize