There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
