Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
