god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
