some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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