"it" just moved
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
