Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
cat food counts as protein by the way
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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