Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
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I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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