the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
