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If i come over, it means nothing
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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