i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
