Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize