So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
