Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
