is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
