I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
