Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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