it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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