I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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