I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
