Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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