btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
