Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Everclear isn't food dammit
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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