I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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