Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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