So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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