My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
