end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
