Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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