Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
