i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
