saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
