# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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