three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
only you would photoshop your dick
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
