my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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