we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
