I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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