Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
