What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize