why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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