I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
