My brain says no but my pants say off.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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