but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
